


give me touch, ache for something

by kyoloren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben's POV, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Literally a wankfest, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, No Sex, Smut, This is a niche for myself that I needed to fill, touch starved ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24681427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoloren/pseuds/kyoloren
Summary: Ben and Rey have gone out on a few dates and have done nothing but a bit of handholding and kissing. Ben is patient but about ready to explode with hisneedfor touching her when Rey suggests they try something new.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 47
Kudos: 197





	give me touch, ache for something

**Author's Note:**

> So honestly this was just...a fic I needed. Personally. 
> 
> Different from anything else I've written, but I hope anyone who reads it enjoys it!

* * *

The first date is nice. Rey is a bit guarded, Ben is shy enough on a good day, but something about her makes him want to talk. It’s dinner and then a walk around the statue art exhibit set up at Amidala park. It ends in front of her place. She smiles at him and it’s one of those thousand watt smiles he’s read about but never witnessed.

“Thanks for a great night,” she says and leans up to kiss his cheek and then hurry up the stairs to her brownstone apartment.

oOo

The second date is Rey’s idea. They go to the local amusement park that’s half an hour away. It’s not Ben’s usual idea of entertainment, but Rey tugs him onto every ride with a hesitant hand that she takes away immediately. So he keeps going just to hold her hand for a few seconds every time. 

Pathetic really, but he feels like he’ll break whatever spell is over them if he tries to move too fast. 

By the end of the afternoon, they both have sunburn on their faces and a salty sheen over their skin. Rey looks delicious in shorts and a grey t-shirt and Ben wants to kiss her so badly but when he thinks he sees an opening, she blinks and jerks away and points to the carousal by the front gates.

They ride two horses side by side and Ben tries not to focus on the way her hips move and her hands wrapped around the pole. It’s hard not to.

It’s still light out when he drives them back to her place. This time, she holds his hand as they walk from his car to her door. He stays on the bottom step and she walks up to the door, dropping his hand as she walks. At the top, she hesitates, turns around and puts her hands on his shoulders, pushing her lips against his like she’s never kissed anyone before.

He kisses her back just a little before she’s gone again and he’s left facing a closed door.

oOo

The third date is a hike. Ben hasn’t gone hiking in a while, but Rey leads him and by the time they reach a rocky peak, he’s exhausted but he has to admit, the view is spectacular. Standing there, overlooking the city surrounded by thick forests, Rey holds his hand and rests her head on his shoulder.

On their walk down the mountain, she opens up. She tells him about how no one in her life has stayed and how she was always told she was worthless. She’s working through it, but it’s hard. And he’s the first guy she’s properly dated and she doesn’t want to mess it up. 

“I’ve been with guys before,” she says as they pause at the base of a giant tree reaching high for the sun, offering them shade. “But I never got to know them.”

“I get it,” Ben says, pushing sweaty hair back from his forehead. “People generally suck. You’re just protecting yourself.”

She looks like she’s surprised that he would understand and not push it.

They kiss again, properly this time. At the car at the base of the mountain where everything tastes salty. In the car, before Rey will let him leave. She loosens up and relaxes, letting him dig his fingers through her hair and part her lips with his insistent tongue. 

He coaxes a moan from her and tells her how beautiful she is before she leaves the car. He doesn’t get out this time; the hike was exhausting as fuck, but at least he was left with the taste of her in his mouth.

The next morning he wakes up hard and horny and pictures Rey’s flushed face, the delicate freckles covering her skin under the summer sun, her tongue on his, that tiny moan…He strokes himself hard and fast and pants himself to a climax, gritting his teeth to smother his curses so he doesn’t wake up his roommate.

“Fuck,” he mutters to his ceiling.

oOo

Date four is dinner and then a movie. Rey talks a lot during dinner, explaining something about her work. Ben listens with rapt attention, not able to get enough of her excitement. It’s contagious. They’re almost late for the movie because they get so wrapped up in the conversation.

Rey bolts from the car before Ben’s turned off the engine and grabs his head, tugging him inside. They run in and sneak into the theater to their seats just as the movie is starting.

They don’t have any food or drinks, nothing to occupy their hands. Ben just wants to keep touching her, no matter how small it is. He slowly inches his hand closest to her and it rests lightly on her leg, half covered by her dress, his fingertips brushing her bare skin. He holds his breath.

A moment passes and Rey gently takes his hand away and puts it back on his side of the armrest. She tucks her hand into the crook of his elbow and rests her head on his shoulder. It’s nice.

To his surprise, as the screen goes black and the credits begin, she shifts in her seat and puts her hands on his face, turning his head and kissing him. She’s less held back this time, kissing him greedily. He doesn’t know where she wants him to put his damn hands so they float in the air as he kisses her back.

He’s hungry too, desperate even, to keep feeling her.

But then the lights flicker on and she pulls back, pupils huge, lips smudged, hair a little undone. She brushes her fingers across his cheeks and then stands, adjusting the skirt of her dress and holding out her hand for him.

He takes it and wills his erection to go away as they shuffle out of the theater.

She kisses him again on the sidewalk in front of her place. When she walks away, he grabs her arm and pulls her back to kiss again. She jumps a little when he puts his hand on her waist lightly but sinks into the kiss and comes out panting, lips shining in the soft yellow lights.

“Goodnight, Ben,” she says, more disheveled than he’s ever left her. He watches her short flowy skirt bounce as she walks up her steps and his pants tighten.

“Goodnight,” he echoes, watching until she’s safely inside. He feels both elated and frustrated. Not at Rey, but at himself.

Poe is still awake when he gets back to their place. “How’d it go?” he asks, eating pretzels from a bowl. He pauses the tv show he’s watching as Ben takes off his shoes.

“I think I’m gonna go insane,” he grumbles, pouring himself a glass of water and downing it.

“I thought you like this girl,” Poe points out.

“I do. A lot.”

“Things still going slow?”

“Yes. I’m fine with it, I understand, but my body—fuck.” He gulps down half of a second glass.

Poe twists on the couch and squints at him. “You haven’t had y’know, a lot of people touch you before.”

Ben doesn’t need to be told this. He didn’t like being touched as a kid and he was raised by nannies who didn’t want him to scream when they patted him on the head. Before he knew it, everyone around him stopped touching him, even his mom, and then everything went to shit and here he was, years later. He’d had a girlfriend in college, but he was so used to not being touched that he accepted anything from her, even if it was negative and wore him down. She only went out with him because he was tall and had a nice dick, but she never touched him beyond sex, not even holding his hand in public. It was a perfect way to make him feel just as worthless as Rey had described herself as being.

Which is why every hand brush and kiss with Rey means so much to him. Because she cares. And he does too.

“You’re getting a lot of something you’re not used to getting,” Poe continues. “Just keep up with the wanking off and eventually you’ll nail the girl.”

“I don’t want to _nail_ her,” Ben glares.

Poe rolls his eyes. “Okay, Romeo, make love or whatever. How long do you think she’ll make you wait?”

“She’s not making me. It’s not a game.” And he doesn’t have an answer. She told him she’d been with guys before, but that could mean anything. “I just want to keep touching her. Even just holding her damned hand feels nice.”

“Good. Do that. And touch little Big Ben as often as you like so you’ll be able to last once you finally do get the chance to get laid.”

Ben doesn’t dignify that with a response. He rinses the glass, leaves it in the sink and walks into his room. Poe turns on the tv and the sound drowns out the apartment. Ben sits himself down in his desk chair and catches a scent of Rey clinging to his clothes. He thinks about the theater, her hot skin under his fingers for just a second, her lips battling against his with a hunger that he thought maybe matched his own.

He unzips his jeans and plunges his hand into his boxers. He’s half-hard and sinks down a little in the chair, stroking his cock until it grows stiff and heavy in his hand. Ben closes his eyes and tries to go slow this time, imagining Rey’s soft hand, her warm breath, her lips and tongue. It takes a while, almost too long. His wrist starts to fucking hurt and the skin goes a little numb except around his glans. He bits down on his lip and strokes long and hard and faster until all his muscles tense and cum spills over his hand and drips onto his shirt.

His heart is beating through all of him, pounding in his ears and he shudders a little as he squeezes the last bit of cum out of his cock and rubs against the sensitive tip. He stays there for a while, enjoying the feeling until he hears Poe turn the tv off. That rouses him and he peels off his clothes and heads to the shower.

oOo

Date five starts off great, but gets fucked up halfway through. Ben and Rey are walking around the old part of town during a summer music festival. Rey has a flower crown of daisies in her hair she got from a little girl and she’s been holding Ben’s hand the whole time.

He’s never felt so relaxed and jubilant before. And Ben isn’t the type of person to use words like _jubilant_. There’s just something about Rey that both quells his prickly exterior and stokes his fire at the same time.

He has no idea if she has any clue what she does to him, but like he told Poe, he would hold her hand for eternity if it meant that she stayed in his life.

They’ve just finished off eating messy tacos in foil when his phone rings. Normally, he ignores it on their dates, but the ringtone is specific. His mood darkens almost immediately and he walks away from Rey, leaving her to munch on the rest of her food at a picnic table.

“Hello?” he answers, far enough away that he can see Rey but she can’t hear him. He’s distracted, otherwise he may have answered more harshly.

“Hey there, son,” his father replies.

Ben sucks in a breath. He knew what he was getting into when he answered the phone, but knowing and hearing his father’s voice was something different. He always idealized his father as a kid, until Han and Leia got into nightly arguments and one night he left and never came back except to sometimes take Ben on the weekends.

“What is it? I’m busy at the moment.”

“Can’t a dad check in on his kid every once in a while?”

“Yeah, but I’m busy. Can it wait?”

“If what you’re doin’s that important to you, Ben.”

Ben looks over at Rey, who sees him and grins and waves to show that she saw him. His heart, however tense in his chest, flips a little at the sight. “Just tell me quickly.”

“It’s nothing serious yet, but your mom’s health’s starting to go, Ben. She’s had a hard life, she’s always been tough on herself.”

Ben blinks and feels rooted to the spot. His relationship with his mother is rocky at best. He wishes it were different, but the past can’t change. “Why’re you telling me this now? You could have emailed.”

“Emailed? Now, this is your mother we’re talking about.”

“I’m aware. I also know how you left her pretty easily when I was a kid so I didn’t think you’d still care.” His voice raises at the end and he can feel old anger boil up.

Han’s quiet for a breath or two. “I’ve messed up in the past, sure, but son—”

“I don’t really feel like your son right now. And I need to go.” Ben hangs up and takes a few quick breaths before going back to Rey.

He pretends everything is fine, but after a few more minutes of walking around, Rey pulls him into a small space between two buildings and confronts him. Before he knows it, he’s rambling and crying like a fucking child and then her arms are around him and he’s holding her close and being _held_ and he cries even more.

She kisses his cheeks and his nose and his mouth once he’s gotten ahold of himself and they leave the city. She drives to the quiet forest and they sit in silence for a while. He holds her hand and kisses her knuckles and then drops her off at home.

oOo

Date six is uneventful except Rey kisses him like he’s an oasis in a desert and sucks on his tongue and he nearly comes in his pants. He drives a block away, barely touches his cock through his pants and does. 

oOo

When date seven stars, Ben walks up to Rey’s door after he gets there because her text told him so. He stands outside and she eventually buzzes him in. He’s excited and nervous since she’s never invited him in before.

He thinks optimistically about it, but also wonders if maybe she wants to break up with him and be able to throw him out after.

Shaking his head, he walks to her door and knocks.

Rey answers, looking as beautiful as always in a sundress covered in yellow flowers he doesn’t have a name for. “Ben,” she says his name like it means something to her and he suddenly wishes he’d brought her something other than himself.

“Hi.”

“I was thinking maybe we could do something different for this date,” she says, stepping aside. Waiting. For _him_.

He swallows and steps in. 

“You can take your shoes off,” she says as she closes the door. He takes off his sneakers and notices she’s barefoot. His gaze follows her as she walks into her place. There’s tall windows letting light in and greenery in pots all around on the floor, on counters, hanging from the ceiling.

“I’ve never been able to picture your place before,” he says as he follows her to the kitchen. She pours lemonade for them and hands him a cold glass.

Rey leans against the counter and waves a hand around. “This is it. My little slice of home.”

He knows how much that word means to her. And the fact that she let him in…

“What were you thinking for our date?” Ben asks. Her texts had been brief and vague. Just that she wanted to see him today for a date, he didn’t have to worry about planning anything, and to come to her place.

And now he’s here.

“I was thinking we should stay in. Here.” Rey takes a sip from her glass and watches him carefully.

“Oh, sure. Did you want to watch a movie or something?” He turns around but doesn’t see a tv. Maybe there is one in another room, or people just used their laptops now, didn’t they?

“Are you hungry?” Rey asks. 

It’s a little early for lunch. “Not really.”

“Okay.” She takes another sip and sets her glass down before moving to stand in front of him. “Ben.”

“Yes?”

“I want to kiss you,” she says, reaching for his hands. “If I do, you can touch me here and here, okay?” She puts one of his hands on her waist and one on her face.

He doesn’t have time to reply. She puts her hands on his shoulders and kisses him, leaning up to meet him. They’re soft and sweet kisses, but then her hands tighten and he kisses her deeper, pulling her toward him a little. His palm skims her jaw and tangles in her hair, holding her steady and his other hand clenches the thin fabric of her dress.

Rey moans and slides her hands around the back of his neck. He can’t help but grip her hip and grind against her front.

She pauses and puts a small amount of space between them.

“I’m—shit, I’m sorry,” he stumbles.

She shakes her head. “I’d like to…I’d like to try something.”

“Anything.”

“There will be rules,” she says, dragging her hands down his arms and taking his hands in hers.

Ben arches an eyebrow. “Okay. You are talking about sex right?”

“In a sense.” She walks around him and backs up toward an ajar door. It opens to her bedroom, decorated in yellows and greens and encompassing so much of her that he actually smiles affectionately at the thought. 

She lets go of his hands and steps back toward the bed. Without saying a word, she grips the hem of her dress and pulls it off over her head, leaving her naked save for silky looking panties.

Ben sucks in a breath.

She’s perfect.

“You can kiss me, but don’t touch anywhere else.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. Her skin is soft and smooth under his hand as he slides it around her waist and across her back. He kisses her with that same burning hunger that always came up around her.

She mewls and gently touches his chest. With a pause, he breaks off the kiss and plants one on her jaw. She lets him continue and he kisses down her neck. 

“I wish you were wearing less clothes,” Rey says, the words coming out breathy as he sucks on her neck like his life depends on it. She tangles her hands into his hair as he moves his mouth down the column of her throat.

“I can do that,” he mumbles, kissing her just below the ear before he takes off his shirt and feels her hands on his bare torso. He shivers and keeps his eyes shut for a few extra seconds at the sensation. 

He holds her face in his hands. “You said rules.” He can barely think but he doesn’t want to fuck this up.

“Yes,” Rey nods. “Kissing is okay. But no touching my breasts or my cunt.” She says the last word really softly.

“What…what do you want to do? Just kiss?”

“I’ll touch myself and you can touch yourself.”

Huh, that’s new. “I’ll do whatever you want,” he says and he means it. He strokes her cheeks and kisses her again.

Every time her hands skim a new inch of skin he feels a shiver run through him. Pleasure close to pain, but it’s soft and gets better with every touch.

Eventually she’s sitting on the edge of her very tall bed and he’s lost his pants and underwear. Her eyes eat him up and he wishes beyond everything that she’ll touch him just once. But he already agreed to her rules.

He walks up and brushes her knees with his hands, keeping his gaze on her. He has no doubt that she will stop him if he does something wrong. Her thighs are next, peppered with freckles and tanned like the rest of her.

She smiles and he wants her so badly to just reach out and grab his cock, but she doesn’t. She puts one hand on his shoulder, moving it slowly to his neck and hair. He walks another step forward, trapping his cock between her legs, pressed against the duvet hanging over the side of the mattress. He grips her hip and kisses her and she responses with a mounting hunger.

She moans into his mouth and runs a hand down her torso, skirting toward her panties. Ben presses his thumb gently against the throbbing vein in her neck and she tilts. He watches as her hand slips between her legs before he kisses her neck again, softer than before. He’s already left marks, he doesn’t want to leave any more that aren’t so easy to hide.

He has to keep his hand from moving to her small breasts, clutching at her hair and the back of her head instead. She whispers out his name and he can hear her fingers sliding through her slick. She gasps and her fingers clamp down on the back of his neck as she pushes fingers inside of herself. He doesn’t need to feel it to know she’s so wet, the squelching slick noises enough for him to imagine.

He breaks away from kissing her and looks at her as she pants a little, flushed as she moves her fingers.

His cock is throbbing, begging for attention and with one final, hard kiss, he takes her hips and pushes her up on the bed. She gets his meaning and scoots up on her own to her pillows, kicking off her panties, leaving herself bare to him.

Ben can hardly stand keeping his hands off her. He grabs his cock and gently strokes as he gets into the bed. He wants to keep kissing her, but the sight of her, flushed and wet and her small fingers sliding through her pretty folds, is enough to keep him perched on his knees, absently stroking himself.

“Fuck, Rey,” he says, finally able to string some words together. “You’re gonna kill me like this.”

She smirks and his hand jerks faster. “I don’t want to kill you,” she says, keeping her eyes on his. She wiggles against the pile of pillows and then slides two little fingers inside of her cunt. Biting down on her bottom lip, she pumps them in and out and trails her other hand across her breasts, playing with her nipples.

Ben moves close enough for their legs to touch and she doesn’t push him away. Her eyes flutter open and closed, mostly staying on his face, occasionally watching his hand and his cock.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says, stroking down her leg with his free hand. “You don’t know how much I’ve pictured this. _You_.”

She nods. “I—I need to see if you’d stay.” She pauses her motions and frowns.

He slows his as well, cupping his glans and squeezing. “I’m here,” he says softly.

Acceptance bleeds onto her face and she scoots down, spreading her knees around him. “Come here,” she says, reaching for him. “If you can.” Her hand is settled between her legs still and he doesn’t ask about sex.

Whatever this is, it’s hotter than he could have cooked up in his own head, and he just wants her. However much she’s willing to give.

He gets to his knees and uses his free hand to keep him up above her. With the pillows behind her, Rey can lean up and kiss him, which she does, eagerly and with vigor. He returns her enthusiasm.

They kiss, unable to get enough, and Rey’s hips buck up as she gets close.

“I’m—I’m gonna come,” she whimpers out, using both hands, pumping and rubbing.

He glances between them, her hands working, legs parted, his cock hovering between them, his hand circled around it and groans. “I wish, I wish,” he mutters, imagining sinking deep inside of her.

She shakes her head and then lets out a cry as she comes, eyes closed, body tensing and shivering.

He can’t wait. Her eyelids half open and he kisses her, stroking harder and faster. She gently squeezes his thighs with her own and runs her hands over his sides. His muscles tense and he half thrusts into his own hand, spilling cum everywhere.

His whole body is shaking and he has to push himself back up onto his heels. Her belly is covered in his cum and her pussy is wide open and wet, but she said no so he resists even though all he wants to do is make her come again and again.

“Was that…what you wanted?” he asks.

She looks rosy and content. “I liked it. Did you?”

He half-laughs. “You’re kidding. Do you need to ask?”

“Yes. You weren’t sure at the beginning.”

“I’m sure now. I just want you, Rey. I don’t care how.”

Her eyes soften and she props herself up on an elbow so she can reach forward and touch his leg. “I want you, too. But I need to work up to it.”

He nods. “That was…pretty fucking hot. I can handle it.”

She laughs and it’s like music to his ears. “Do you want to get cleaned up? Then we can actually watch a movie.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sounds perfect.”

oOo

The dates blur together until they’re no longer dates, but a relationship. They go out, they stay in, they try new things.

Ben’s perfectly okay with waiting. He’s never wanted to be with someone so badly before, not just for her touch, but for _her_. For her infinite knowledge of flora from all around the world. For her love of food and artwork and kindness to everyone around her. For the way she’s the one he’s always going to when he’s having a bad day and because she comes to him, too, when she’s exhausted and feeling down on herself. They hold each other and know just what to say, which is usually very little.

He’s never had _a person_ before, but now Rey was his.

Right now, though, they were in the bedroom. They’d gone out for an early dinner and gallery viewing and it had been nice, but the last thing Ben was thinking about right now was artwork unless it involved Rey’s naked body.

They’d gotten past the kissing part, stripped down. They’ve moved on to where he can touch her breasts and he loves to kiss them and hold them in his palms, small as they are. They’ve been kissing on the bed, tangled legs, keeping cunt and cock apart in a way that they’ve already gotten skilled at.

Ben has been learning quickly that there was more to sex than just sticking his cock in a willing vagina and he has to thank Rey for that. Everything she does, says, or shows him is something new.

Tonight, she disentangles herself from him and skims kisses down his chest, stopping at his hipbones and then scooting to the side. “You should stand up for this,” she tells him. 

His cock bobs in the air as he does. She moves to the edge of the bed and gets onto her knees, ass in the air, lovely dripping pussy on display. It was still hard for him to not touch her, but _not yet_. He knows that she enjoys herself and he does too. They’ll get there eventually.

She tosses him a sly smile over her shoulder and then sets her shoulders and head down so she can balance on the bed and still reach for her cunt. He watches as her fingers expertly slide through the awaiting folds, one finger circling around her clit, pushing back the small hood and shuddering with the contact, still sensitive from coming a few minutes earlier while they were tangled and kissing.

He stays close, stroking her leg and sliding his hand around his cock and sometimes his balls, too. They were sensitive some days—like today.

Rey’s moans and mutters are soft, but he doesn’t need her to be loud to get turned on. He stands at an angle to watch her face and runs his hand up her back, down her spine. She wriggles under his touch and breaths out his name. 

He leans down and plants a kiss on the swell of her hip. He can tell by the way her mouth parts and eyes close that she’s already close to another orgasm and he lets his cock fall from his hand. He takes her hips in his grip and stands close enough for her to push back against him. He doesn’t know if she will, but she does. He can feel her wetness against his abdomen and hisses a breath through his teeth as she cries out and comes. He can feel her trembling.

He wants to rub his cock through that sopping wet center. “Rey,” he murmurs.

She sucks in a breath and starts to sit back on her heels. She reaches back for his hand and brings one to her breasts.

He holds her against his chest, leaving just enough room for him to stroke himself, his knuckles hitting her lower back as he does so. She sighs, sliding her fingers lazily through her folds. He rolls and pinches her nipples between his fingertips and she shifts on the bed to give him more room.

He kisses and bites and kisses again her shoulder, inhaling the scent of her. “Fuck _Reeey_ ,” he moans out. She very well could kill him like this and he would die a happy man.

He can’t see it, but he knows she’s smiling. “Come on, Ben,” she breathes, squeezing her hand over his cupping her breast. “Come for me. I want you to come.”

He thrusts up, keeping his hand in place, the tip of his cock hitting her lower back. She doesn’t move away. His breathing gets heavy as everything in his body—blood, energy, muscles—focus on his cock and then he comes with a loud string of curses muffled by her hair. 

Ben sags against her, pulling her closer, not caring that he’s smearing cum between them. He holds her and sighs, nuzzling into her neck. 

He thinks three words he’s too chicken shit to say.

He kisses her neck instead and releases his grip just enough so she can twist around and kiss him on the lips. She reaches up behind her and cards her fingers through his sweaty hair, and he leans into her touch.

He’s pretty sure he’s never going to get enough of touching her.


End file.
